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Alphonse Allais (October 20, 1854 – October 28, 1905), born as A Honfleur, Calvados, was a French writer and humorist.
- "Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank."
- Simple: What coffee does is this: it puts you to sleep when you don't drink it.
- "Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime."
- Simple: Studies show that the number of people who die each year in the army is a higher number during a war.