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- "I ain't an athlete, lady. I'm a ballplayer."
- "My wife told me I'm not as disgusting to her as I used to be."
- "No mascots on the field. Shoot anything that looked like it escaped from Sesame Street."
- What it means: Since mascots wear suits that look like Sesame Street characters, and there were no mascots at the time when Kruk said this, he wasn't happy to see none that looked like them.
- About the quote: When asked how he would change baseball.